Kink advice question: The things I fantasize about — sometimes I think if my partner knew, they would just say, “What the fuck is wrong with you?” Am I normal?
I mean, probaby.
A couple of caveats, first off. I can’t condone anything that is illegal or actually nonconsentual (cnc notwithstanding). So, I’m just going to go along with the assumption that what you’re fantasizing about isn’t one of these things.
Look, humans are very complicated. And not only that, we have built cultures that are even more complicated. So you have your brain — this bag of chemicals that makes you feel things — competing against the ingrained taboos and mores of a culture.
Depending on the parameters of each, this might lead to some internal conflict.
Everybody’s ‘normal’ is different. Everybody’s chemistry is different. Don’t let yourself be talked out of pleasure, inside your own head.
Life’s too short for that kind of shit.
Communication is literally always the answer.
I always recommend communicating with your partner. While you might think that you know them as well as you know yourself, you probably don’t. Complicated, remember?
They may surprise you. If you’re into something a bit harder, well, maybe start slow, and see how they react. They might think it’s totally hot, or maybe they won’t. You won’t know until you ask.
If your partner doesn’t share your kinks, I would encourage you to reach out your tribe elsewhere. It’s important that you realize that you’re not the only one out there. Needless to say, don’t do anything on this front that may endanger your primary relationship. Communicate. Don’t keep secrets. Lying is bad. Cheating is bad.
Now, with all this said — are you fantasizing about someone actually telling you that you’re fucked up?
There are people that share that kink, from the other side. Maybe you should find them?
Do you want my advice?
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