She leaned against the kitchen counter. “I feel empty, hollowed out, like there is no joy in the world.” She stared at the coffee in her mug. “I’m… not good.”
“In what way?” He asked.
“Just…” She clenched her jaw. “I’m a nightmare. Toxic. I’m not good.” Tears burned at the corners of her eyes.
He moved closer to her, but still she did not lift her gaze. Even after all this time, it was hard for her to cry in front of Him.
“Put down your coffee.” He hadn’t raised His voice, but there was still the shadow of threat in His words.
“No.”
“No?”
Her lip wobbled. Never had she defied Him. “No.” The second time, her voice was softer, weaker, as if just the thought of disobeying Him was enough to cow her.
“The cup is going to break, slave.”
She nodded. “I’m sorry. I’m a nightmare.” Her fingers clenched white along the handle of the cup.
He closed the remaining distance between them, cupping her cheek against the palm of His hand. She hoped that He couldn’t feel the clench of her jaw, or the tiny quiver of the almost-sob that threatened to escape her lips at any moment.
He gripped the rim of the cup. “Let go.”
She wanted to be stubborn, but she knew He would win in the end. He always won, in the end. Her fingers loosened, and He moved the half-filled mug safely onto the counter.
“I’m sorry,” she said, rubbing against the warmth of His palm.
She felt a little bit crazy, needing that touch as badly as she did; she hated the power He had over her, that made her feel so helpless and strangled and empty. Surely He didn’t want someone like this. Surely He didn’t want someone so … vacant. “I’m sorry,” she repeated.
“For what?” He let her rub herself against Him, gently pushing an errant piece of her hair behind the opposite ear.
“I’m… a nightmare.”
She felt the smallest clench of His fingers. Had she not been resting against Him, she probably wouldn’t have noticed at all.
He lifted her face up to look at him. “Say it again.”
Her vision blurred, sending the colors of His face into a watery mess. “I’m a nightmare.”
His slap came so fast she didn’t have time to brace for it. The pain was clean and sharp, ratcheting her face to the side.
He righted her again, and she watched Him watch her tears spill down her cheeks. It was embarrassing to be like this. She dropped her gaze to the floor again, unwilling to face Him.
“No, look at me,” He said, His voice quiet and unperturbed. How He always managed to remain so goddamned calm was beyond her; honestly it just made her feel even crazier. Why anyone would want a submissive like her was… incomprehensible. Surely He didn’t like dealing with crying women in His kitchen?
Never had she felt so terribly inadequate.
“No,” she whispered. But it lacked the conviction she had held just a few moments before. She swallowed, hard, trying not to think about how weak and ridiculous she was.
For fucks sake, she couldn’t even say no properly.
Just weak and ridiculous and inadequate and stubborn and spineless and empty.
So empty.
“I won’t ask again. Look at me.”
This time she did not disobey. Couldn’t. She simply could not.
She looked up into His beautiful turquoise eyes, half a second before another hard slap rang through her skull.
This time He did not wait for her to recover, but grasped her chin and wrenched her face forward again. “Say it again.”
Her cheek still stung. “I’m a nightmare.” The words wobbled in her throat.
Another slap, harder than the first two. A pitiful sob escaped her lips, but He made her look at Him again.
“Say it again.”
Her cheek burned and her eyes burned and her ego burned. “I don’t know why You like me. I don’t offer You anything, I am worthless.”
She saw His hand this time, before it connected with her face, and she was able to brace for the impact. What she was not expecting was the vicious backhand that followed, knocking her off balance in the other direction.
Her knees buckled, but He caught her before she could tumble to the floor. He kept her standing, bringing her wrists above her head and pinning them to the wall behind her.
“Say. It. Again.” Each word was pushed through gritted teeth.
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